I feel.. but God says..

Days of waiting for my student visa application to be finalized were unbearable which also caused me started to lose faith in God. I thought that I could leave my burden to Him and He would carry them for me yet, it seemed like He had abandon me but it was Jaclyn's reminders that woke me up from the darkness.

"You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. (Matthew 8:26)

I completely gone out of track and was mad at God for ditching me. I felt as if He disliked me and overlooked me but after I said those words out of my mouth, I felt so pressured and guilty. I feared of Him because I knew that I had done something terribly wrong and so ashamed of myself.

I once told Jaclyn to draw a bubble in the center of a blank paper. In the bubble, I asked her to put herself into it. Then, whatever troubles that she faced would be drawn in the other bubbles all linked to her bubble. You can try while reading this, try to draw as below:

Yes, if you look at it.. it seems like I am facing a bunch of problems. But it is also because I am too self-centered. I believe that most of us are equally selfish. We often look for self-benefits in a matter that we overlook the importance of God's kingdom. We're supposed to spread His words and not to destroy Him yet somehow, we often do things without thinking over it first.

As you can see, it is impossible for me to handle all of these alone but Jesus said, "What is impossible with men is possible with God". (Luke 18:27)


So.. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour." (Psalm 42:5)

Shame on me for my little faith. Shame on me for my fear. I never should have doubted Him but fortunately, Jaclyn knocked sense into me. I guess this is our way to encourage each other. Everytime when one of us falls, we will definitely motivate each other with His words. That's how we are comforted and feel peace.

I will never confess or focus on doubt and a lack of faith anymore because "God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)